Culture?

Normally when I sit down to write a column it writes itself pretty easily.  I make a few changes here and there but the original draft is normally pretty much what the final product is.
I've been working on this column for several days.  I am on draft 9 or 10 or 100 right now and all because a girl on the block at a Gorean slave auction asked me some difficult and serious questions. 

Generally I don't care for slave auctions in Second Life, but I've had some chain luck lately and with nothing better to do I popped into the middle of three lovely, but barely trained, kajira on the block.  While role playing the role of an interested buyer some real questions popped up.  One of the girls asked me questions were fair, insightful and cut to the very heart of what I try to do with this blog.

She asked about reading the books and is it worth it before beginning to role play.   Did I think she should be owned before reading the books?
Well I do believe it's possible to learn how to be a good slave without the books, I personally think it supplements the training.  For example:  I expected the girls to beg to be bought.  It was expected from a Gorean slave in the books, and in Prize of Gor the girls almost make a competition out of it!  None of them did that.
Plus I feel that if a slave is trained by one Master he trains the slave to be pleasing to him...not what it means to be pleasing to all.  A kajira must be found pleasing to all.

She asked if I thought what a a slave girl must devote herself to in the real world to become a kajira?  Because while she was trying to become a good slave she would never be able to do the same in reality (more due to where she lived in RL than anything).  I was honest with her.

Time.  To be a slave, either online or off, requires a commitment.  A commitment to put the hours in to learn, to watch, to read and to be willing to sacrifice.  Yes, we live in the real world full of family, friends, jobs and kids.  We live with pressing issues but you have to be willing to put that aside at times to serve.  If YOUR feeling your submissiveness in real life, I told her, then what does it matter if you can't be naked 24/7?  If you can't be at his feet?  If you can't wear a collar in public and call him Master?  But you have to give them time.  You have to give of yourself.

To be Gorean, means that we have joined a particular cultural group.  Culture, in its most basic form, is shared values.  It's our mutual touchstone on we we act and expect other to act.  Our history and our basis for defining the "who" and "what" we are.  Without a basic understanding of the culture, how can we "live" in it.  Slavery is more than throwing on a collar and sexy barely there silks.   It's a commitment to a lifestyle, an understanding of your role in that lifestyle and in the community.
People may argue that a Bond is different from a silk clad Kajira but I look at them the same way.  They are girls in collars, they are property and to the Gorean male their only purpose is to serve him.  That is the culture.  It does not matter if your little slice of Gor is based on Norse culture or Arabic.  You have a role in that culture to serve. 
Now, how do you take that role into real life? 

What will your role be in reality?  Is this something you wish to peruse in your real, everyday life and do you know what that means? 

I have stressed communication in this blog so many times that I've grown sick of the word.  So instead I'm going to stress another word.  Self-realization.  When you decide what you want, what that means to you...then your ready for the next step.  What ever that step is.  Once you do that then you figure out how to bring your new life into the culture that surrounds you.

Techinical issues

Due to the fact that my mother board blew up, the site will be down for a few days for repair.  We hope to be back up soon.  Thanks for reading!

pony and dog tails

I knew this link existed somewhere.   A simple guide on how to make a working pony or dog tail for that special animal in our lives.

http://www.aigando.com/Vet-toko-garo4-e.html

His site has a few other tutorials on a variety of pet play ideas.

Friction

Friction [ˈfrɪkʃən]

n

1. (Physics / General Physics) a resistance encountered when one body moves relative to another body with which it is in contact

2. the act, effect, or an instance of rubbing one object against another

3. disagreement or conflict; discord

Thank you Dictionary.com

So we are all familiar with Friction, and other than the hopefully joyful friction we receive in the furs of Gor, what does this have to do with our beloved lifestyle?

You can not have Movement without Friction.  One body must act against the other.  One force must act against another force.  
In this case a slave, and Master, must overcome their own internal frictions to obtain what they desire and want.  The friction is our upbringings, our fears, our own internal dialog, our circumstances.  We want to be good Masters, we want to be good slaves but we have that little internal nagging voice that we must overcome.
It tells us "we are not good enough."  That "this is wrong."  That "he or she is only using us for sex."  This is not what "good girls do" and a thousand other things.  This is our friction.  
How we over come that is up to the individual.  For me, it was more a matter of study and watching other's play.  What did they do that was safe?  What did they do that was interesting?  Can you teach me that particular tie?  Hold?  Technique?  I wanted to "hurt" my partner but in a good way...I wanted to mark her ass with my palm print but their is a serious difference between crying out "NO STOP!" and crying out "No Stop."  My voice was self doubt and fear that I would really hurt my partner...I overcame my friction by education.  Knowing and feeling confident in my abilities lead to me being a very good Top in RL.  A decent Master online. 

For the s-type, the submissive or slave, it's more than just education.  She needs to understand what is happening to her body but also her emotions.  Another example from RL...I was with a girl named Summer at a 3-day weekend event in the mountains of Pennsylvania.  We played one day in the dungeon, her body hanging from the ceiling..I flogged her, canned her...she wanted and craved more, more and I was happy to oblige...then, I looked at her checking with her to make sure she was OK...her voice said "Yes Master" but her body language said something completely different.  She was no longer standing straight, her arms were strained, her legs were weak...she didn't have anything left.


She protested coming off the hooks and shivered in the blanket I held her in...feeling that she had failed me and telling me such.  I kissed her, held her and reassured her she did not fail me.  I would have failed her and may have seriously hurt her if I didn't stop.  What made her think that she failed me because I cut her down?  As it so happened all her life she was told that "she was not good enough."  

BDSM of any sort requires a few things.  Honesty, with yourself and your partner(s) is where you start.  You have to be willing to think deeply and long about your needs, what you want, how to obtain those desires.  What frictions will you have to overcome?  What will you have to learn about yourself.  How will you communicate this to your partner?


It's not the easy path, but the destination...your true happiness...is worth the effort.

Movement

Movement:  actions or activities, either on a person or an object.


Keep that definition in mind, we will return to it.


Who holds the power in your relationship.  If your a D-type (in this case the Dom, the Master) and think it's you then you need to think about that again.  Without the s-type (your submissive or slave) to control then your just a lonely person masturbating into the sheets.  


The s-type gives you control over them in a voluntary fashion.  Even though we real life "Goreans" may claim that our slaves are owned and their are no such things as "safe words" we also understand that our girl is precious and valuable to us.  That her submission really and truly is a gift to us.  


She gives us to body, her trust and, if we are truly lucky, her heart and soul.  She gives us everything in the hope that we will not push her to far, hurt her to much and give her direction and security.  


Now lets return to that definition for a moment.  We act upon them.  We perform actions upon them to obtain a desired result.  We may flog them as punishment, we may flog them to obtain a orgasm out of them.  We move them in a direction that we want them to go.


However...remember the sheets?  


A s-type can only move at a certain pace.  We can push, we can prod.  We can drag her kicking and screaming by the leash around her neck.  The truth is this.  She has to be willing and able to get to point B from point A in her own time.  She has to be ready and willing to accept what fate you have planned for her.

Long time readers of this blog know what it boils down to.  Communication.  You need to talk things out, discuss and analyze.  Yes, I understand it might be more fun to throw on a pair of silks and scream "Take me Master!".  What happens though when your Master tosses you on the bed and decides to take you anally?  What happens if your not ready for that?  


If your relationship is either strictly online or if your a real life Gorean couple the truth is this.  We D-types can only move as fast as the s-types in our lives allow us to.  


It is our job to LISTEN to them.  That does not mean that they are always right, that does not mean that they should be treated as a princess.  What that does mean is that our slaves will get to the point we want them to be at.  It may be a week, a year or ten years...but they want to be at the point too!   


We just have to act on them accordingly.   They need to act on themselves to face their fears and insecurities.  We need to cuddle with them at times, and other times throw them in a cage.  But without listening to them...we will never know what they need.