Plus I was raised in certain ways. "A man never hits a woman" was drilled into me from birth. I had these desires...desires that I could not exactly understand or put into words. I felt alone and a bit of an outsider. I liked girls, but wanted to treat them "differently."
I got lucky. I found the Gor novels. It may seem odd today, where BDSM and other imagery is commonplace on the web and even in popular music. During the dark ages of the early 1980's (Yes, I am that old in RL) there was no internet like there is today. No Second Life, IMVU or other virtual reality programs. What there was were brick and mortar buildings that held books. Not Kindles, not e-books but physical paper and ink creations. Tucked away in the Science Fiction isle was Norman's thin paperbacks.
Suddenly there were people out there that understood me. What I believed and felt to be true...I wonder if Norman sparked my lifelong interest in philosophy and history? I know he sparked my interest in BDSM. It didn't hurt that the first true love in my life was also a submissive who enjoyed calling out "Master" during sex and liked spankings. Ah High School!
As I grew the books and Norman fell by the wayside. I didn't like the Gorean Chatrooms because I felt they were not based in reality. In college I met a few girls that enjoyed a little experimentation and didn't mind a little light play but nothing I would call serious BDSM.
It was after college in Charlotte, NC that I started actively looking for others in the "lifestyle" but at that time in the early 90's that BDSM was still an underground activity. I didn't meet any one, somehow I got "blackballed." I probably mentioned Gor to someone.
Once I moved to Pittsburgh, PA I found a thriving open wonderful community. Gor was still thought of as a "online thing" and not based in reality. I didn't even attempt to play for my first year there...I was watching, learning, observing and asking questions.
My life path as a Dom was set. I now worry about those younger than me or are just starting to explore the "darkness" of their souls. To many times have I heard "my boyfriend/husband just does not understand."
While there are lots of good BDSM resources out there there are also to many sites that reduce power exchange down to "TIE ME UP AND FUCK ME!" I'll admit I've tied up and fucked many a girl it's more than just kinky sex. I enjoyed it too! BDSM is more than that.
I have hoped that a few people have read this blog and learned something from it. I'm not leaving Gor, I'm not leaving BDSM. I hope to train more girls. I hope to lead others down what I believe to be the correct path.
Walk with me a bit. I have a map...a GPS that might lead to a better life for you, or at least a few hours of enjoyment. Due to my real life commitments I can't do this in reality, but I can help those seeking out the next best thing.
That idea is energizing me.
3 comments:
Wonderful to read about the path You took to get here. Yes, i can only imagine what it might have been like in the 80s. i was lucky that bdsm is so much more out in the open when i becme aware of my deep seated submissive brain chemistry. and doubly lucky that my very first rl relationship has turned out to be as long lasting, life changing, and intense with my Master who was experienced (though a few years younger than You ;-)) enough to know about Gorean philosophy, but secure in Himself to selectively adapt bits and pieces of it into our daily life. i was perhaps only a couple of years older than the girl you have displayed hanging around in your post when i met my Master :-), and hope to spend the rest of my life at His feet :) :).
Eagerly waiting for the next episodes of the GPS journey!
Well you hit the nail on the head. We adapt Gorean ideas to our real lives. I've seen a lot of so called "Gorean" protocol sneak it's way into mainstream BDSM over the last few years as well.
It is often difficult to explain to anyone just how good it feels when a woman voluntarily submits herself to you. Like good sex, or a good joke, you don't have to think about it to enjoy it, its just good. This can be role-played in online Gor (i.e. SL), in the plethora of online BDSM "rooms" and so forth. However, you can only truly experience that feeling in real life, when a woman has accepted her deepest need and desire to find herself at your feet, doing as you wish. Conveying that feeling, which often has little to nothing to do with "just" sex, or BDSM, but actually about the effective exertion of dominance over someone, such that they recognize, accept, and then embrace their willing submission to you, is the heart and soul of communicating "what BDSM, D/s, and even Gorean-style role play" is all about to young dominants just learning about their feelings.
I commend you for your effort! Gor is a wonderful place, if you take honor and your role as a Gorean male seriously and with conviction. I enjoy it immensely, and yet too often I see BDSM concepts crossing over to Gor, and vica versa. Few kajira wanted to be beat, and few submissives willing look past getting tied up as a means of service. I sense that your blog, and your teachings, are designed to help them understand and move forward, so I commend you again.
I wish you well!
Atlas
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