The direction of this blog has changed over the years as I've grown and changed. I feel another change is in the wind. For example, the images I am finding on the internet are not so much about bondage and discipline but cross the line into porn. While I will be the first to admit that I've had sex with a tied up woman I worry that many who view these images will think BDSM is just "kinky sex."
When I read that 1 out of every 6 women in the US has been a victim of rape or attempted rape I worry that my espousing of Gorean philosophy and BDSM can be misunderstood. Yes, Gorean philosophy does believe that woman are "naturally submissive" but that does not mean that they are open to abuse. That does not give any man the right to abuse a woman, even if she identifies as "slave."
As the recent Slut Walk protests have shown, there are still dangerous myths and beliefs out there about how woman dress and the abuse of women.
There are dangerous myths out there about BDSM and Gor. One of the things that I love about BDSM is the respect and love that a submissive has. In the photo above you see a naked woman. She is standing straight and tall and being threatened. But the important thing is that she is doing so because she wishes so. Serious Dom's and Mistress's understand this. Without her submission we have nothing.
Sadly these policies don't exist online. The journey one takes, either as a submissive or Dom is a long and perilous one. Even though we may just be pixels on a screen we need to remember that behind the keys is a real live person who may be experiencing everything that is happening to their character. For example, I was talking to an old friend, and kajira, of mine who told me that she was shaking when I branded her.
Why was she shaking? Because the idea scared the hell out of her, because in our role play we had created a perfect little world where only her and I existed. The hot brand would touch her skin and mark her forever as a slave. She also said that afterword, once the act was done the fact that I covered her in a blanket and tended the brand while stroking her hair was unexpected...and welcome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is a little love, a little respect goes a lot further than you would think.
2 comments:
*Applauds!!!*
I am not sure I can express how welcome this post is. What you state is all too true. Like SL, most BDSM blogs are just pornography. The writers are just kinksters (nothing wrong with that, but if that's the case, don't write on behalf of the BDSM community!).
I hope many people read this post. Your thoughts here are so very important.
Thanks for this thoughtful post Adam. I still recall my introduction to Gor in SL, the anxiety it gave me initially as I watched a close friend get involved and tried to balance the little I knew about it with the paranoia of others in SL at the time.
My natural tendency to be open-minded yet cautious led me down a road of awakening through 'classes' and 'discussions' that were more about consent and respect than I had experienced in any relationship to that point.
The subsequent collaring of my first girl and our experiences were as emotionally real as any relationship, lacking only a physical connection and when it ended after more than three years, that emptiness left in its wake was just as real.
But of course, we all know this isn't always the case, that online as in day-to-day life, many will use coercion and intimidation to control another for selfish reasons and steal the gift of a submissive without their gifted submission.
No two people are the same so its often difficult to judge the interaction of a Dom and sub so I feel some vigilance is needed and I have stepped in when I felt it necessary. Then again, some will never understand the relationship at all. Its a very fine line that can truly be appreciated only by the two consenting adults.
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