What I've gained being Gorean

In my last few posts I spoke briefly about how Goreans can be misunderstood and how often we receive bad press. So I asked myself a few questions?


Why am I Gorean?

What do I gain being Gorean?


These two questions in fact go hand in hand. To me, the Gorean Philosophy is very similar to my own religious beliefs. As a Taoist, I find many similar quotes and views about life in Norman's work. As a student of philosophy in general, I actually minored in philosophy in college; I have read the authors and philosophers that have influenced Norman's thoughts as well. Although I do not always agree with them.

My path to Gor has been long and twisted, and I have stated previously how I read the Gor Chronicles as a young boy and how wonderful it was to find that at least one other person was having thoughts similar to mine about the status of woman.

I found IRC chat rooms but was disappointed in the lack of substance to them, and as I explored BDSM I found myself drawn to it. However the one thing that I've found lacking in BDSM is a lack of a coherent central idea...I suppose the ideas of RACK and SSC are as close as one comes, but again these are safety protocols. Not a way to live.

Now I did define myself as a "kinky bastard" with all that implies. I still enjoy the "fun and games" of BDSM and I'm glad to call them friends. Still though, their was a hole.

When I learned of the virtual reality program Second Life, and stumbled into the large Gorean community there I found my interest in Gor reignited. I started to explore and went back and reread the books, this time looking for something else.

At this time I was also going through a very dark depression, having lost a child and a job. In fact, my name ADAM ZADEH is a tribute to my boy.
My wife, who was non Gorean, and I were fighting all the time and SL become a escape...a fantasy world where I was in charge of my own life. Or at least felt I was.

Long story short, I lost everything.

I am still in the process of rebuilding my life. I struggle like most people to make a better life for myself, to regain what I have lost.

Gor has helped me do that. Being on Gor via a virtual reality game forced me to read up on medicine, since I was playing a physician originally. Then later, as I decided that endless slave exams were not for me, wine. Which lead to a job marketing wine and the start of my own independent marketing and distribution company.


The confidence that I started to regain from role play started to find it's way into my reality. When I thought I would never laugh again, I nearly peed myself when a kajira served me blackwine as "sweet as a slave girls kiss" which consisted of some 43 spoonfuls of sugar. In other words, my darkness was lightened by my friends I made online.

As I read about Gor and continued to explore I found it had much of what I was already looking for. I started to incorporate much of the philosophy into my own life, began to see the world differently. So what I've gained in confidence. Confidence in myself that I thought I had lost.

So that is what I've gained. That is enough for now, as I move forward in my journey I will find other jewels, wisdom and friendship. I am looking forward to it.

Calling all Goreans - we need positive press

Recently an article appeared - http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/508733/the_gorean_lifestyle_a_womans_right.html?cat=17 - which is not only filled with half truths and onlinisms, but is just generally wrong about what it means to be "Gorean."

So I want to hear from you...if you practice Gor online via IRC or Second Life, or if your Gorean in real life. If you are owned or Free, man or woman.

Tell me why your Gorean, why you practice the philsophy and what you get out of it. I am going to respond to this piece of trash with my own brillantly written article defending what I love.

But I need your stories, your help.

You can contact me at adamzadeh@gmail.com

Training and rules

“What is the duty of a slave girl,” I inquired.
“Absolute obedience,” she said, frightened.
“What are you?” I inquired.
“A slave girl,” she said.
“What is your duty?” I asked.
“Absolute obedience,” she cried out. - Hunters of Gor - Page 258

Recently my life has moved from mainly online to mainly real life. What I mean by that is that I've either come into contact with girls that wish to be slaves or slaves seeking a Master.

I think this is a natural evolution for most submissives, as they go from bottoms to submissives to slaves...either online or off. It's about trusting your partner to do what is best for you.

With a slave however it is a different ballgame, as you are modifying her behaviors to suit your needs. The Master demands a girl that is beautiful, willing to serve and able to serve in all ways at all times.

For many women just learning about BDSM or Gor this means sexually, however sex is just one small part of the Gorean Kajira's experience as discussed before. Realizing that their slavery will be more than "blow jobs on command" or "forced" to wear slutty clothing is more than many slaves wish.

I've decided to take on one - and only one slave - in RL, one I feel is serious about her submission. The others I will gladly give advice to or suggest some reading materials or workshops. I do have some past BDSM experiences, but they don't always apply to owning a slave. I find myself in a different mental state that is a bit hard to explain...so we're taking our time and communicating about what we both want and need out of this relationship.

One of the things we have talked about is the rules under which she will live...which are different than the instructions that I gave my past kajira on SL or other online environment. Since she has only online experience, this is new to her as well.

They are more guidelines than hard and fast rules...I've tried to make them as clear and concise as possible to avoid any confusion. We live in a society where our jobs and families may not understand some of the choices we make. I did give her a safe word to use in case it's needed, although she is not allowed to use it during punishments - and like I told her, she will be punished because it is in the nature of woman to push the boundaries of a man.

There is one fast and hard rule though. She will practice "absolute beauty and total obedience in all things".

Which to me is the practice of striving always to be found pleasing. To be a reflection of her Master's good taste and desires. In the books it implied more, that a girls life could and would depend on her Master's good graces; so it was in her best benefit to be found pleasing. She had to be graceful, beautiful and submissive in thought and action if serving a glass of wine or in bed.

While I believe it's possible to obtain a level of grace and commitment, it's a long path. To quote the books "It is one thing to own a woman," I said, "and it is another to have her within the bonds of an excellent mastery." - Magicians of Gor - Page 465

I am hoping for the latter in time.

BDSM and Gor Part II

"There is no single humanity, no single shirt, no correct pair of shoes, no uniform, even a gray one, that will fit all men. There are a thousand humanities possible. He who denies this sees only his own horizons. He who disagrees is the denier of difference, and the murderer of the better futures." (Savages of Gor, p.31)

In another forum I found a year old topic, "Why does BDSM despise Gor?". The debate continues to this day, although not as actively as it once did. I come from a BDSM background, to me Gor is just a variation of the Master/slave dynamic found in many BDSM circles. However I also found BDSM wanting to a certain degree. I wanted more out of my relationships...I found that in the Gorean lifestyle.

I think that how Gor is perceived, and how Gor was created is part of our problem...and why it is sometimes misunderstood and even despised. Gor as defined by Norman is a very black and white place. Women, although to be honored and loved are also somehow less than men. Some are even slaves, to be treated as property and bought and sold as animals - because under Gorean law, they are. The idea of a strong woman is accepted in the books (and even the slaves have a quiet and dignifed streanth), but then she eventually ends up in a collar happy in her fate. Which frankly is just not reality, and Gor is excluding many strong happy women that are not "just waiting for their Masters."


2) Gor has no or little references to homosexuality and nothing on transgenders. Poly relationships (unless you count owning more than one slave) are non-existent as well. Like it or not, BDSM is seen as more accepting of these relationships and people. I am accepting of Gays, polyamourous individuals and transgendered people in the BDSM world, I see no reason to accept them into the Gorean world as well.

3) Gor basically treats the slave/kajira as an animal.


In the books a slave has no rights thus leaving her open to be sold, killed, etc. WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN IN REALITY but it does give the impression that Goreans are more abusive to those that are unfamiliar or unwilling to learn about Gor. By defination, Gorean slavery is non-consenual (even though we all know it is). Goreans may scream all they want about it being a philosophy of life, but 90% of the world can't see past your kajira's bouncing tits.

4) Frankly the attitude that many Goreans have is harming more then helping our cause. Ours is not a better way, only a different way. Admitting that our relationships are not like they are in the books is not a sign of weakness or shame.


Now I consider myself Gorean and I hope the above does show why the BDSM community and the Gorean community don't always see eye to eye. As a Gorean I think it's important that we do stress that it's a philosophy and work to educate those who do not understand.


And we need to stress that we are just as open as the BDSM community to other views and lifestyles.

RL and Gor - slave positions (A review of sorts)

Last night at a wonderful little club here in Tampa, their was a demonstration and talk about the various Gorean slave positions.

The presenter did at wonderful job showing off about ten of the twenty or so Gorean positions. From the simple ones like leasha and hair to the more advanced ones like the Gorean Bow.


She pulled a few people on stage, both male and female, to try a few of them. One girl is showing the leasha position, tilted her leg in such a way as to show off the curve of it. She was complimented on that by the instructor which was very nice.

A few alternatives were also shown, such as nadu in a chair, which was helpful since not all slaves are physically able to complete the positions as they were shown in the books.

She also covered some things about Real Life Gorean relationships that I felt were important. For example, she was asked about trans genders or homosexuality in Gorean relationships. Her answer was precise and wonderful, while not specifically in the books; if you and your Master/slave are OK with it...when what does it matter? It's more about adapting the philosophy of the books to your relationship than living one particular way. Truer words were never spoken.

We all understand that even the most strict of Gorean relationships are based upon mutual understanding and trust.

Sadly however, I did have to take issue with someone on the group that was not a presenter but gave the impression that he was. Frankly, and pardon the language but he was full of bosk shit.

Not so much in some of his answers, which generally I found to be well thought out and reasoned, but in how he approached some things.

Example: He described a situation where one of his slaves owned a slave of their own. He referred to this as a "Dina" and claimed it was from the books. HUH?

The Dina is a type of brand, sometimes referred to as the "slave rose"

It has nothing to do with a slave owning a slave of his or her own. Now although I do believe that if you own a kajira and something in her desires to own or be dominate over another, then she should be allowed to explore that. However call it what it is. She is a switch, a Gorean kajira to you, and a Domme/Master over another. Your relationship with her slave has nothing to do with the Gorean dynamic that you have over her.

Unless that person submits to you as well in a Gorean sense, then you have no reason to call it Gorean...or to name it something it is not! And even if that person does submit to you; that makes your kajira "first girl," meaning that she has some control over those under her.

But in the end, what it comes down to is the relationship that you form with the people in your life. What is Gorean to me, may not be to you and vice versa. I've no issue with that, but please try to live by the philosophy and definitions of Gor. Adding things or calling something Gorean when it clearly is not is a violation of what I hold dear. The philosophy of Gor itself.

Technology on Gor - think about it!

Sometimes I wonder what goes through peoples minds.

Recently on the Gorean Forums, there is a discussion about how a kajira got banned for refusing to put a chiller or "chilla" in a tavern.

Now why is this silly?


It is an onlineism for one thing. Although the Goreans were technology advanced in some areas (medicine being the obvious one), they were more primitive in others. This has to do with the Priest Kings role in establishing and maintaining boundaries on technology.

They do this to protect themselves from the warlike and barbaric nature that lurks in the hearts of man. Thus the limit weaponry, communications, and transportation technology. Possibly they practiced a form of population control as well by having a hand in extending the lifespans of Goreans, although Norman states that the Goreans arrived at this knowledge independently.

Anything that is can be derived from that technology is therefore suspect. For example, lets take the "chilla." In a way it seems harmless enough, after all you need to keep the paga chilled for Master and what better way then your brand new chilla from Homestone Depot of Ar?

The problem...it takes an engine to run. Engines that could be converted to create a motorized war chariot that then could threaten the Priest Kings, or at least start a arms race between the various warring cities on Gor. Although the Goreans may have found a passive way to keep things cool, nothing is really mentioned.

Up to the 1920's in a country as advanced as the United States people were still cutting large chunks of ice of rivers and streams, covering them with tarps, dirt and straw and maintaining that ice for months into the warmer months.

Or if ice is not possible in your warmer climate, dig deep into the ground or take advantage of natural caves to keep your Masters paga cool.

Communication is another area where it makes sense to limit technology. If you can communicate across long distances accurately and quickly that greatly increases your strategic advantage over your enemy. This problem was solved by the various Ancient cultures on Earth by the clever use of signal flags, drums, flares, messenger birds and other devices. Such technology would have existed and been used on Gor as well. The problem is however that even though the messages were accurate and passed along quickly...it was not instantaneous. Thus DO NOT TP IN IMMEDIATELY CLAIMING TO HAVE RECEIVED A MESSENGER BIRD! Take an hour to respond, it will lead to much better role play.

That does not mean that all Goreans were primitive and that Gor is some dark, foreboding medieval world devoid of technology. We do see things like the translation device, the energy bulb - which produced a soft white light that would burn for years without replacement. The Electric sleeping mat, which was akin to the electric blanket of Earth. "Fire starters" are very similar to the lighter we take for granted.

What I hope is that Goreans of all ilk, either on IRC channels or Virtual Worlds like Second Life, think about what Gor would have been before acting stupidly.

Toxic Masters in SL

The other day, on another site I came across something written by the avatar Leslie Langsdorff. Well I don't agree with everything that he states (I do find it to be a bit anti - Gor and frankly that strikes me of not understanding Gor or what Gor is), I do feel it is an important read.

I give any new girl, or guy for that matter, a series of note cards to read if they express any interest in submission or BDSM in the worlds of Second Life. Please contact me in SL - I'm Adam Zadeh - if you would like these note cards

It's also a very broad generalization, geared more to BDSM than Gor, but again, the information is important. The world of the Master/slave is a complex one and depends very much on the people involved. While abuse in either world should not be tolerated, it's important to remember that what strikes us as abuse, might be their fun. The use of safe words in RL is highly recommended and I've always let my kajira know that they can IM me in SL if something does not feel right to them. It may not be Gorean, but it builds trust.

The post is a rather long one and I am copying it here without permission, although I don't think he would mind based on the disclaimer.

CONTENTS:

--Summary
--Introduction
--A Slave is like a Horse
--When it is All Right
--When it is All Wrong
--Egocentric? Isn't it all about the Master?
--Abusive? Isn't a Master supposed to be abusive?
--Evil? Hey that's not Politically Correct!
--Mixed Masters
--Wholesome Slavery
--How to spot a Toxic Master
--Warning Signs of a Toxic Master
--Logging - your Friend and Foe
--My Toxic Master
--Breaking the Chains
--Afterword
--Copyright Notice & Disclaimer
SUMMARY

This Notecard is primarily intended for BDSM submissives within the virtual world of Second Life, to educate them on the topic of three types of Masters/Dominants which are likely to cause them a world of hurt. This notecard will tell you what to look for, which in many cases will have you spot them before any significant damage is done. Secondly, the notecard can also be useful for Masters to compare the views outlined here to their own, but first and foremost this notecard was written to help serious submissives to avoid or deal with potentially harmful circumstances they may encounter in their quest to fulfillment.

INTRODUCTION

Some Masters are like medicine. In serving them, you are a lot better off than without their influence. These Masters often feel an urge to help their slaves, much in the way a good parent is after the wellbeing of their offspring, or like a teacher to his students.

Then there are Masters which are like a drug. They intoxicate and thrill you, you get high on the way they run a scene, but you also can get a crush or crash on them, or rather on the mixed bag of excitements that Master puts you through. These Masters want both their slaves as themselves to have an exciting time, and in that way they are much like a friend.

But then there are Masters which are like a poison. With them there is no medicine or high to speak of: they are bad for you plain and simple. These Masters are either indifferent to their slave's needs, or even worse they are malicious and thrive on making you feel bad in a way that truly is bad for you. They are like poison - it may taste sweet at first, but you will come to regret it in a way that by far outweighs any up sides there might have been.

A SLAVE IS LIKE A HORSE

A slave is like a horse. It is often strapped in leathers, and made to perform by commands and use of the whip. At times the Rider rides the horse to the very edge of its ability. The horse won't throw its Rider. It finds fulfillment and even joy in being handled. It shares a meaningful connection with its Rider, and is willing to run for him until sweat runs off its body, and does not mind the whip being used to be taken that far. Most horses will tolerate other riders, but not one of them will receive the dedication it reserves for its own Rider, because of the special bond they share between them. A good horse serves not because it feels inferior or worthless, it serves because it chooses to do so in the special bond it has with its Rider.

But a good Rider does not truly despise his horse. A good Rider doesn't fasten the straps many notches too far, nor does he use the whip with excessive viciousness. A good Rider tends to his horse. After the ride, he sets up the water and hay and combs and grooms his horse. When it matters most he has care and affection for his horse, and would never knowingly drive it far beyond its abilities. A good Rider is fond of his horse, even if that isn't always immediately apparent. The best Rider loves his horse, but spares it not the hard work its muscles need.

This is how it should be with horses and Riders, and with Masters and slaves also. At first it may seem odd to compare horseback-riding with Bondage, Domination and SadoMasochism, but at the heart of the matter, in terms of the special relationship shared, the two are quite alike indeed. Despite the harsh games of BDSM it is important to realize for the slave, and I cannot stress this enough, that slaves are entitled to be treated right, just like a horse is entitled to be treated right. So, what is this thing called right in a world of inequality?

WHEN IT IS ALL RIGHT

When it is all right, both the slave and the Master find fulfillment in their special relationship. For the slave this can take the shape of a shortterm rush, the high of a good scene, or it can be longterm positive effects their caring Master has on them. Quite often, it is a mixture of both as feeling good itself is good for you, as long as there are no negatives that outweigh the positive effect. Sometimes it won't feel good though. Sometimes it will feel quite bad. BDSM is a high-intensity activity, and this can go either way. When it is all right though, the times you leave a scene feeling right will be far more frequent than the times you will feel all wrong.

WHEN IT IS ALL WRONG

When it is all wrong, from the slave's point of view, it most of the time is only the Master who finds fulfillment. The slave will often be in unpleasant turmoil, not just during the scene but often after the scene is over. When it really is all wrong, the slave will log off feeling less good, not just about the scene but also about themselves. This may subtlely persist in the slave's offline life, or lie dormant to be worsened still in the session to come. The special relationship isn't beneficial, or even neutral to the wellbeing of the slave, it is in fact detrimental. This can be very subtle, but if you watch closely the signs will be there and often from the start. If the Master directly causes it, this most often is due to the Master being Egocentric, Abusive, or Evil.

EGOCENTRIC? ISN'T IT ALL ABOUT THE MASTER?

To put it frankly, no. Plain and simple: NO, with no nuance in that whatsoever. Regardless of the roles in BDSM, or with Goreans, it is an inescapable fact that a session is a social exchange. Two people each have needs, they get together and the needs of both to an important extent are met. It's really just like any other adult human activity all participants consent to. The Master in the Master/slave relationship is the Rider. He holds the reins, he decides where the horse goes. If the Rider makes sure to have a great ride, but the overly exhausted horse at the destination finds no water or hay and starves, something is all wrong. That just isn't what Riding is about, and it also isn't what Domination is about. Horses and slaves give freely of themselves, to a great extent. They are entitled to be treated right for that, even if "right" means some pretty exotic activities.

Egocentric Masters for most slaves are an almost guaranteed ticket to feeling used in a way that has no joy or fulfillment in it at all. But the Egocentric Master needs not be a bad person by any measure. It is hard to anticipate peoples needs, and especially the needs of submissives in a virtual environment. Typically the bulk of them either feels like acting out Egocentric as Masters for whatever reason, or by missing feedback they need, while others are true Egocentrics both online and off.

Egocentric Masters have the best chance of realizing something is amiss with their behavior. A Master who truly is Egocentric will often know this about themselves, but often see little need to change their ways. A Master who acts Egocentric might well be oblivious that they are, or simply misunderstand the nature of the exchange. Often it is inexperience. Bottom line with both is how much they care. An Egocentric Master of either nature who stays as he is will sooner or later lose their slave, making the slave feel mostly neglected and used in a bad way. An Egocentric Master tends to be risky, but usually is the least "toxic" Master of the three.

ABUSIVE? ISN'T A MASTER SUPPOSED TO BE ABUSIVE?

Yes and no. If a Master picks a random commuter off a bus and subjects them to a scene, it most certainly is abusive. A slave however is no random commuter. A slave is someone who to some extent understands "the game" and chooses to take part in it. And I say "game" because BDSM is based on consent, as opposed to things happening in for instance a RL military interrogation. In the latter case, human rights are violated. In the former case of BDSM, the slave gives up their human rights in the expectation some degree of good will come of it. Many slaves proudly say that they have no limits. In all cases that are sincere and healthy, these slaves actually do have limits, but these limits have never been crossed or even reached, so they are blissfully unaware they have them. The only healthy way a slave can have no limits is when nothing really gets to them in a bad way. That is a sign of the slave not being deeply committed to servitude, or otherwise not fully immersing themselves in the experience.

There are two kinds of abuse: the "abuse" that is desirable within a BDSM context, and the genuine abuse that is little more than bad for the submissive. BDSM "abuse" has part in the activities that fulfill the needs of the submissive, while genuine abuse purely subtracts from it, or even worse, feels good but causes detrimental effects that are often overlooked.

Abusive Masters for most slaves are an almost guaranteed ticket to feeling used in a way that has no joy or fulfillment in it at all, and more so than an Egocentric Master there is a serious risk of detrimental long-term effects, such as depression of mood, lowered self-esteem and desparate dependence. But the Egocentric Master needs not necessarily be a bad person. They could be abusive because they feel it should be like that in BDSM, but, ofcourse, they might also be genuinely abusive people online and off.

Abusive Masters have a moderate capacity to change their ways at best, because not seldom it takes care of a need of theirs, such as taking out the stress of their faily life on a slave as a living, talking "puching bag", or because it gives them a feeling that they're strong in SL, which they might not have in RL. An Abusive Master who stays as he is will sooner or later lose their slave, making the slave feel treated like shit shortterm, but there may well be damage to self esteem and mood that persists longterm. For this reason, an Abusive Master tends to be more "toxic" than an Egocentric Master.

EVIL? HEY - THAT'S NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT!

Just like there are people out there who are like angels from Heaven, approximately 1 in every 25 people is more like a demon from Hell, even though at first some of them may well seem to be wonderful, if not ideal people. But.. If there are Good people, there must also be Evil people. And they exist. A Master who acts Evil might be classed as an Abusive Master, but what we're talking about here is people who truly are Evil, both online and off.

With an Evil Master, as you would expect, there is a complete absence of benevolent intentions. It is important to realize that just about everything they do serves them and them alone. Slave: it never was about you to begin with. An Evil Master is either after your Linden Dollars, wants to sell you for a heap of Linden Dollars, wants to scam or blackmail you outside SL or is after something more sinister: to insidiously make you dependent on him and once you are, destroy your personality for their own sadistic (not sadomasochistic) enjoyment.

A sociopath, because that's the current label for these people, has no conscience and no remorse. They go through life manipulating, deceiving, intimidating, conning and otherwise exploiting the people around them for their own personal gain or sadistic pleasure. The criminal justice system and psychiatry alike both agree that they cannot be redeemed. Bluntly put: there is no Good in them to appeal to.


Unfortunately these people are naturally attracted to the role of Master in BDSM and Gorean activities, because the role lets them get away with many forms of unacceptable behavior and gets them in contact with submissives, which are more readily exploited than the Free. For an SL slave it is likely to have a few encounters with Evil Masters. The relationship will be one-sided only: Just as sociopaths have no conscience and no remorse, they have no capacity for true friendship or love, and with it can never develop a meaningful Master/slave relationship - to them it is all about exploitation and doing harm. To them, a slave is truly worthless and beneath contempt.

Evil Masters lure a slave in with superficial charm and charisma, but these are artificial and only serve the ruthless exploitation and mental destruction which will inevitably follow in its wake. An Evil Master usually leaves his former slaves in a state of mental and psychological torment which may last a long time and often has a lot of mixed emotions. The words mind-rape and victimization come to mind. Evil Masters are guaranteed to never "see the light". If they appear to do so, it is just another level of manipulation. They are the most "toxic" Masters of the three.

MIXED MASTERS

The above three types of toxic Masters, the Egocentric, Abusive and Evil Masters, are not uncommon to encounter in their pure form. What the three toxic Masters have in common is that they either are unresponsive to, or even violate the needs of their submissives, and this to the extent that the effect they have on their submissives is far more negative than positive. The three toxic Masters often have traits of each other in common. An Evil Master by nature tends to be both Egocentric and Abusive as well for instance, and an Abusive Master may be self-serving and unwholesomely cruel. Then there are Masters who may have what it takes, but who display minor traits of the toxic Masters. Many good Masters at times cross the line into these territories. How to tell them apart?

As was revealed to Adam and Eve: "By their fruits ye shall know them" and this goes for Masters as much as for trees. If a Master displays toxic behaviors, but caters to a slave's needs to the extent of being neutral or beneficial to them shortterm and in the long run, then it is not a toxic Master, provided the slave has a wholesome attitude.

WHOLESOME SLAVERY

Wholesome slavery. It may sound contradictory and historically this has tragically proven to often be the case. The main difference between historic slavery and BDSM slavery, and between BDSM "abuse" and genuine abuse, would be that BDSM slavery is a form of slavery that takes place between consenting adults. Like said before, it like most voluntary actions is a social exchange where needs on both sides are met. And there absolutely is nothing wrong with BDSM Domination or Submission, if it is done with the right motivation both urges in themselves are honorable and wholesome.

A Good Master may lay down a scene that is tough as can be, but deep down inside he has genuine warm feelings for his slave, like a good Rider does for his horse. In his role he will at times give his slave quite a hard time but, and realize this, he is sensitive to the needs of his slave and does not want to, and in effect does not cause, serious harm to the core of his slave's being. As you can see this is the opposite of the effect the toxic Masters have, be it inadvertently or intentionally. A good Master should however also have warm feelings about himself because he who doesn't truly respect himself, cannot truly respect others.

A Good Slave strives to truly serve their Master, it is repeated over and over. This has two sides however, which is not understood by all. To truly serve your Master means to cater to his needs, but it also means guarding that your own needs are met also. There are slaves who get their satisfaction from being genuinely abused, in the way toxic Masters tend to do. This is unwholesome however. If the abuse is real, the negative consequences are real also. Not just does the slave genuinely suffer, but by letting that be done to them, the already toxic Master will become increasingly un-social or anti-social also.

This most certainly is harmful to the slave, but it is harmful to the Master also. If the Master is incapable of doing the Right thing, it is up to the slave to do the Right thing for him. That is not being a bad slave, it is serving your Master on a deeper level than passively rolling over and taking the abuse. Because, as you see now: neither Master nor slave is served by that happening. To truly serve your Master beyond a mere game is to have his best interest in mind.

HOW TO SPOT A TOXIC MASTER

Spotting a toxic Master can be very hard to do, or it may be blatantly obvious, as some are insidious in their detrimental effect and others have their unwholesomeness in plain view. As you would expect, insidious harm committed deliberately has the greatest potential to be destructive, to have negative long-term effects on you. Later on the importance of logging your chat will be dealt with, but for now let us focus on warning signs that you might be dealing with a toxic Master.

WARNING SIGNS OF A TOXIC MASTER

The following things might be harmless in themselves, or they may not be. What is important is to be aware of these signs, and whether there is a pattern to it. If there is a pattern of these warning signs and you experience unwholesome effects, there is a good chance you might be dealing with a toxic Master. This list is intended to aid your common sense and estimation of the situation, not to replace it.

--- Your Master does not want to know you as an equal and/or does not allow Out Of Character discussion. In the role however you feel important matters cannot be discussed. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master seems to run through a lot of slaves, but has very few or no longterm slaves (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil) or tends to sell his slaves habitually. (Evil)

--- Your Master devotes considerable effort to putting you down, leading to and beyond the point you consider appropriate or even acceptable. (Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master calls himself a "Gorean lifestyler", which in itself needs not be bad, but this in combination with clear signs of toxic Mastery. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- People (sometimes even Masters) warn you about this Master or he has a bad reputation which might seem unwarranted to you. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master consistently leads you to believe that you need him to amount to anything, perhaps accompanied by other efforts to make you feel dependent, or even lost without him. (Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master says things like: "It is all about the Master!" This can be tough talk, or he may genuinely not care about your needs. (Egocentric)

--- Your Master drives a wedge between you and your SL friends and associations, isolating you from friends you chose, to associate exclusively with him or his social circle (which is often the Gorean community) either through direct or implied pressure. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- You have a sense/gut feeling you are being manipulated and that it isn't good, but you cannot identify just how this happens. (Evil)

--- You cannot do anything right and this is all your fault. There is consistent punishment, but no reward. (Abusive, Evil)

--- Your (often Gorean) Master makes threats about selling you, or your Master is known to have sold slaves in excess of L$ 10.000, or sells slaves regularly for any price. (Evil)

--- Your Master gets Real-Life angry with you and punishes you in a way to make you feel Real-Life bad or miserable. His aim seems to be to make you really suffer to pay for his real anger. (Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master puts pressure on you to get in Voice Chat, but doesn't use Voice himself or employs voice distortion software. (Evil)

--- Your Master orders you to devote your entire SL existence to him and to TP immediately to him when he IMs you, regardless of your circumstances, without allowing you to gracefully bow out of the social situation you were in - it has to be near immediate. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master puts you down and punishes you all the time, far beyond your comfort level, and he appears to have no specific reason for it - he just does. (Abusive)

--- Your Master blackmails you into doing things he knows you really don't want to. (Abusive, Evil)

--- Your Master changed your looks, not just what you wear but your entire Avatar itself, to something he likes, but he doesn't seem particularly fond of you. (Evil)

--- You are genuinely afraid to offend your Master. Not excited, scared shitless because you expect consequences that authentically feel bad. (Abusive, Evil)

--- You know your Master for a short while and he is the greatest man that ever lived, yet sometimes he does things so cold, callouse and genuinely cruel that they are just not compatible with a pleasant personality, or there are other vague instincts that somehow something isn't right. (Evil)

--- Your Master has an interest in your Linden Dollar balance and other possessions which strikes you as unusual, or employs schemes to take them from you or lets you buy things he takes from you. (Evil)

--- Your Master seems to hold little regard for what you think is important, and does not really seem to take any needs you may have into account. (Egocentric, Evil)

--- You find yourself logging off after scenes feeling less than well more often than not, regardless whether you think it is your own fault or not. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- At the scene you keep finding yourself doing things you don't like to avoid consequences you like even less. (Abusive, Evil)

--- The Master regularly leaves you kneeling or in other ways unused for a very long time and there seems to be no purpose for keeping you idle, other than him wanting to do other things and matter-of-factly neglecting you. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

--- Your sessions tend to feel bad a lot of the time, but you feel you may be worse off without them (Abusive, Evil)

--- Somehow you often tend to end up feeling like complete shit during sessions and you cannot understand why that is, or it all seems your fault but with no other Master you had this. (Evil)

-- Your Master has a fondness of putting restraints on you that you yourself cannot remove, and abuses these restraints for the sole purpose of making you suffer RL. (Abusive, Evil)

-- For Goreans: Your Master slaps the collar on you or brands you without any proper ceremony whatsoever and without making it the special moment for you that it really should be; instead he does it matter-of-factly or coerces you to finalize his ownership and increase his control on you. (Egocentric, Abusive, Evil)

-- You get the eerie thought that your Master doesn't act like a complete bastard, but that he in fact is a complete bastard who acts like he's not. (Evil)

--- Whether you like the scene or not, almost everything that happens is exactly what the Master wants, and after that you're dismissed. (Egocentric)

Like said before, this list auxiliary to your common sense and estimation of the situation, it is not Gospel and seemingly harmful items on the list may be present for benign reasons. For better understanding of the situation you are in, it is important to now address the issue of Logging.

LOGGING - YOUR FRIEND AND FOE

It is important to log all chat, so that you can re-read intense situations when you are calm, to take an objective look at what was said. To log all chat go to: EDIT --> PREFERENCES --> COMMUNICATION and once there enable all logging options, change the path to a designated folder where you want it, click Apply then OK. It might be very possible you are reading things into the chat, which simply are not there. It can go either way. Upon re-reading you may find out that the Master's actions weren't that bad, or that you inadvertantly baited him to act in a specific way. But it can also be that you re-read hours of chat and to your amazement discover the absence of any care whatsoever being taken for you, or very subtle manipulation tactics that have completely escaped you.

If you and your Master are in voice chat (or typically in malicious cases, you in voice chat and he in text chat) remember that your Master may in fact be logging your conversation without you knowing it. Logging voice chat is very easy to do with an external application such as AUDACITY. http://audacity.sourceforge.net/ And in fact your entire SL experience can be logged as a movie file with applications such as: http://www.thesilver.net/downloadBSR.asp It's not something you as a loyal submissive would think of, but a devious Master might already be doing it. The possibility of this violation of privacy with peoples own voice is one of the reasons I am opposed to Voice Chat. An Evil Master could be logging your own voice for blackmail purposes later on, either to make you squirm or for ordinary petty theft of your Linden Dollars and property. And oh yes, blackmail IS a felony both in Second Life and First Life so you can take action on that.

So, be it voice or text, it is important to log all chat preferably by default. It can prevent misunderstandings (good or bad) and give you insights, and if push comes to shove it can be used as evidence to hand over to the proper authorities, such as location owners (such as of a Gorean city), Linden Labs or the Law.

MY TOXIC MASTER

If you serve a toxic Master, keeping things as they are would not be right. Two possibilities exist: either you leave your Master to end the situation, or you communicate what is amiss and further decide on staying or leaving based on the changes this communication brings about.

The first thing to establish for yourself is whether your Master is Evil. If you are confident he is Evil, abandon all hope of reaching a resolution and leave him at once. From a truly Evil Master no Good will come. He might simply take the level of tormenting you up a couple of notches, deceive you with sounding reasonable and understanding only to hurt or scam you more later on, or kick you out the door with an ease that can only come from someone who never felt a bit of warmth for you at all. It is hard to understand what true Evil is like, but once you do you will realize that bargaining with the "devil" is no use at all, and getting the hell out of there fast is your number one priority. If an Evil Master has property of yours, consider it lost and move on. The best way to do this is the non-confrontational way, avoiding him holding a grudge against you but in no way delaying your retreat out of the toxic situation.

Second thing to establish for yourself is whether your toxic Master, who is not Evil, is harming you deliberately or unintentionally. If it is deliberate, you may choose to communicate it appropriately but as it is intentionally don't get your hopes up too high on things changing. If it is unintentional, it often is because of misunderstandings in communication, or because of personal issues you have, or your Master has. You may be overly sensitive to specific things which makes them toxic to you as an individual, or your Master might be taking out his personal issues on you, for instance for stress relief. In these matters common sense may help you out, and talks with fellow slaves and friends may be of use also. If your Master is using you as a "punching bag" to vent his real-life frustrations and stresses, expect him to initially get quite defensive if you decide to communicate it. Masters, even toxic Masters, have feelings too!

Every Good Master will allow you to bring up issues you have with the scenes you have, if you communicate them appropriately at the right place and time. If you choose to communicate the issue, take responsibility for your actions and do it right. Be respectful and see if this is well received. If a Master isn't open to proper feedback, he isn't open to you.

If you go the way of communication, try to keep your emotions in check. If you relate that you really don't like so-and-so one bit, it will generally be better received than calling your Master names in a blaze of anger. Do not confront your Master in front of others who are not directly involved, or agressively gang up on your Master with fellow slaves bothered by the same issue. This will usually make a Master either too defensive or too saddened for the communication to be constructive. If it is possible, discussion in IM (either in role or as equals) after or before a scene is to be preferred, as during a scene both parties tend to be riled up with emotion and intensity.

You are a submissive, and a serious one, so don't go pussyfooting around the issue either. Make sure that you properly communicate the issue, and the core of the issue. Be polite and correct, but make sure your Master understands the nature of the issue. Observe how he responds to it, and moreover what the results are. If communication doesn't work, the option left to you is to leave.

BREAKING THE CHAINS

For a true submissive who has felt deeply committed it hurts to leave a Master, even if that Master was wrong for you, or all wrong in general. If the commitment was deep or longterm, expect there to be turmoil in your life, your Second AND First Life. There may be a sense of relief and good riddance, but there probably will be sadness and an emptiness within you that will probably stick around for hours or days to come. Allow yourself to feel that pain, that void, but do not get lost in it either. Ride the rollercoaster of bittersweet emotions. Let it do its thing and be rid of it.

It is important to realize the role your friends can have in all of this. You can present them with the situation, and see if their assessment of it matches your own. You can find a listening ear with them and express your woes and frustrations. Friends, real friends (be they RL or SL) will catch you when you fall and help you get back on your feet. They are your support network in times of need. If you are moving in territories such as this, a true friend is worth its weight in gold.

You have established that your bond or the Master himself was toxic, did you more bad than good. Though circumstances vary, leaving him was the right thing to do. Remember that the Master nor the slave is served by you rolling over and taking the abuse? Sometimes the right thing for a true Submissive to do is to leave the Master. It does not make you a bad slave, it makes you a better and self-respecting one. Wholesome. Masterless, but more whole. Let the loss and separation do its thing with you, and move on.

If your former Master contacts you, regardless of what he says or promises, do not revert to the slave role. You are no longer his slave, so speak with him as an equal. This can be hard on submissives which are through and through submissive in all their life, but it is the best thing to do. There may be property and land-ownership matters to tend to, much as like in a divorce. Tend to these matters, but as an equal.

Do not let yourself be forced, coerced or deceived back into the submissive position in which the toxic Master abused you. Do not meet if you don't want to, much can be done in IM across distance. If you feel it is needed, bring a friend, particularly if that friend is a good Master. If ownership matters are too important to give up on or harassment becomes an issue that cannot be resolved, take the ultimate step and file an abuse report to Linden Labs. Help --> Report Abuse Do not let LL share in the drama, specifically state the violation and leave unneccesary details out of it. Contacting LL is the ultimate step, and should only be reserved for clear-cut violations committed against you, such as theft, being locked out of land you are a co-owner of and the like.

If you finally do decide to leave and have left, it is best to remove your former Master from your friends list. To do this, first revoke all his privileges (seeing you are online, seeing you on the map, modifying your objects) and only then removing him. Should a new contact be established, for instance to make arrangements with him, he will have no power over you. If you want to break with him fully, you can mute him.

If you leave the hard way, your avatar may have devices attached to it that you yourself cannot remove, and for which having your former Master remove them is not an option. This may be impossible in the normal SL viewer, but could be possible with an alternative viewer you choose to use. If you are stuck, here is what to do. Find out the nature of the device, get a notecard on it if possible. Some devices cannot be removed by you, but can be removed by someone you add to it as a Master. An understanding friend would be the best choice for this. If only your former Master can remove it and no one else, contact the maker of the device and explain the situation drama-free, the maker in most cases has a secret "cheatcode" which will free you of the contraption, especially for cases like this. If there is none, remind the manufacturer that their correct-functioning product is impairing your use of your avatar, and that this makes it their problem to deal with. It is my opinion that Avatar attachments that truly cannot be removed by any other than a specific person who isn't you should not exist in Second Life, and I'm sure Linden Labs would agree, but contact the manufacturer first as it is their responsibility to deal with. The product notecard would not mention it, but any responsible manufacturer has a secret "cheatcode" to deal with exactly this situation in a simple IM. AFTERWORD

If you are to retain anything from this Notecard, it is the notion that Masters are to be served properly, but not blindly. Some Masters are detrimental to a slave's well-being, and they are detrimental to their own development. A slave is entitled to be "treated right" in the sense that the scenes between them and their Master should not be detrimental to either of them in the long run. When the Master is unable to do the Right thing, it is up to the slave to intervene, or pick up the pieces and move on.

First and foremost I want to thank you for taking the trouble of plowing through this lengthy Notecard, I hope it was worth your while. If it is a message you think is important, feel free to hand this notecard out to slaves and Masters alike, or even to automatically dispense it on your BDSM/Gorean property or distribute it to your Domination/submission-oriented Group.

May Wisdom and Righteousness light your Path every step of the way,

RAFIKI BOA Master and servant

COPYRIGHTED. You may make and disperse copies of this notecard, as long as you have no financial or griefing motives and do not alter the content of this notecard or use text thereof in any way. It is to remain a free notecard to be handed out to help residents of SecondLife, and nothing else. Do not distribute outside of Second Life or in any other form than this intact Notecard. Land and group owners may automatically dispense or otherwise make this notecard available to their visitors and members without permission, provided they endorse the message presented herein.

DISCLAIMER: You have been presented with a Notecard that represents the personal opinion of the writer. It by no means is Gospel Truth or even "the way it should be". There is no single way that is Right, there are several ways. If you disagree with this message, by all means feel free to ignore it. If you feel slighted, offended or otherwise wronged, I hereby honestly and sincerely apologize. Anything this notecard directly or indirectly evokes in you, be it emotion, thought or action, is entirely your responsibility, and yours alone. As Notecards have a way of taking on a life of their own, please do not contact me with opinions about this notecard, unless all can be said in a single IM text with no expectation of getting a response to it. If you are planning to distribute this notecard to significant groups of people, please let me in on it. If you disagree with the message, I will not defend or discuss it, write your own notecard and distribute it across a relevant audience. If you like this message a great deal and want to get to know me better or want my assistance, I'm sorry to inform you that I must restrict my interactions to the people I meet in-world, and only have a limited abount of time to spend in the fascinating realm that is SecondLife. Whether you agree, disagree or are unsure, thank you all for your attention, Be Well !